A sailor’s story of surviving suicide
The timing was perfect for Josh Savage, a First Class Petty Officer in the Navy.
Savage, a racing fan, saw The American Legion’s Be the One display when he attended the INDYCAR race in St. Petersburg, Fla., in 2023.
“I looked it up on my phone and it seemed to destigmatize mental health,” said Savage, an aviation electricians mate who joined the Navy in 2006. “For me, the more we talk about mental health, the more acceptable it is to talk about it.”
And that encapsulates Be the One, The American Legion’s primary mission. As the Legion raises awareness and fosters such conversations, the stigma evaporates, thereby reducing the number of veterans and servicemembers lost to suicide.
At the race, Savage reached out to American Legion Family members. He received hugs, support and camaraderie. In return, he shared his ongoing experience with therapy and threw his support behind Be the One.
“With Be the One, we are putting that message out that it is OK to seek help,” said Savage, a member of The American Legion. “I credit campaigns like Be the One for making me feel OK to talk about it.”
Savage knows first-hand the slippery slope that servicemembers and veterans face.
“I’ve dealt with my problems pretty much my entire adult life,” he said. “But I suffered in silence until very recently when I tried to get to the bottom of it and recognize it for what it is. There is so much out there in life to gain if you can get your head straight.”
His downward spiral
Savage has spent 6 ½ years on eight different deployments, and is currently serving overseas in Spain. His tours fill his cup, but they can also leave him drained.
“If the Navy is relevant and in the news, I want to be there,” he explained. “I like to be at the tip of the spear. It’s hard to be away but that’s what my job is. It also appeals to my sense of adventure.”
Savage, who grew up in the shadow of an Air Force base in Florida, dreamed of becoming a fighter pilot. But one thing led to another. And deployments piled up. His third deployment was extended from six to eight months.
“There was a lot of bad news, and I wasn’t doing the job I signed up to do,” he lamented. “I had a hard time chasing the goals I wanted to.”
Depression kicked in. Savage was frequently showing up late. He spent a lot of time sleeping in his car. Shaving became an afterthought. In 2009, while stationed in San Diego, he worked the night shift, handling security on the pier.
One night he “was having a really tough time” and pulled out his pistol.
“I played it out in my head, ‘What happens if I shoot myself tonight?’ I was ready to do it, it was a spur of the moment thing. I hadn’t planned this out. I was just in a really tough spot.”
Thoughts raced through his head about the aftermath if he went through it, including the reaction by his parents when they received his personal effects.
“That made me pretty sad,” he said. “I survived the night and I had a better day after that.”
Illuminating the dark times
Still, Savage’s journey has been full of hills and valleys. Like so many people, he can find himself in dark places and still ideates about suicide but stops short of hatching a plan. And that’s where Be the One, wellness visits like The American Legion’s Buddy Checks, therapy sessions and other nonpharmaceutical solutions can provide the help he needs.
“I was instantly in a better place when I started talking to somebody,” he advised, saying he still seeks out behavioral counseling when he needs it. “I put my hand up and said, ‘Hey, I got a problem.’ And work was very accommodating.”
Throughout his journey, Savage has seen a cultural shift, an acceptance of mental health therapy. Now, it is OK to not be OK.
In 2019, his supervisors worked with him to find a solution, a stark contrast to how such issues were addressed a decade earlier. Once he was ready to open up, his healing began.
“Suicide is still an issue in the military,” he said. “But from my experience the Navy in 2009 is not the same Navy in 2024.”
The stigma is eroding. More resources are becoming available. Social workers are deploying with sailors.
And Savage is doing his part, helping fellow sailors he senses are struggling.
“In my path with negative mental health issues, I see a lot of things in other people that I see in myself,” he said. “I’ve reached out to a lot of people who I have seen struggling. There have been a lot of nights on deployment when I’ve hugged a fellow sailor who’s been going through some stuff.”
His advice is not limited to his shipmates.
“If you are having a series of bad days, go talk to somebody,” he recommends. “If you are not getting the support you need at work or home, there is a process you can go down to address the lack of support. If you think that going and talking to somebody will affect your future, it’s 50-50. But if you don’t go talk to somebody, there’s a 100% chance your future will be negatively impacted or non-existent.”
Once Savage concludes his military career, he’ll be on board with the Legion, helping even more veterans and servicemembers.
“I was one thought process from ending my life 15 years ago,” he said. “Sometimes when you get in that deep, you’ve lost all hope. The American Legion is paying more than just lip service when it comes to the problem. When it comes to fixing the problem, you need resources to address those issues.”